I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize