I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
