I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
