You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
