I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
