My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
