we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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