Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
