fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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