You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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