In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
