lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
