i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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