There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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