I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
