This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
