what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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