once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize