I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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