just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
