I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
