They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
