I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
