No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
