You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
