Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize