If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
