u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
