I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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