You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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