He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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