she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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