What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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