You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
