Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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