We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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