I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
