i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
