she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
