her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
