i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
