the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize