Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
