i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
