Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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