I want to have your abortion
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize