If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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