okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
