In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
