My brain says no but my pants say off.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we should paint friendship bongs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
