she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize