Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
