everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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