as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
