hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
