Buhtt sex?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I could fuck to npr.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
