I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize