Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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