It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
