possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
