i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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