My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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