No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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