I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
